by December 2009

I plan to save up for 3 items after getting December's pay and AWS which comes early during December :D

1. Chao Ta's X'ms Present
3. A mini Braun Buffel Wallet
2. A Coach Wrislet

Estimated pocket damage.. $500 or less.

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I've finally worked in an organization for 1 year plus. What an achievement! :P However, I'm planning to tender in April 2010 if the workload for next year proves too much for me to handle. 2010 is going to be a hetic year, with the huge responsibility of preparing the little ones for Primary education, involving myself in K2 kid's camp and year end concert, and the line up of modules and assignments, I can see myself having breakouts very often. *crosses- fingers*

Hoefully, after my Diploma course, I can continue to do my Masters. Getting a degree is SO DAMN EXPENSIVE!!! $27, 820. With that kind of money, I can easily hold a 28 table wedding dinner banquet at The Regent Hotel and still have 3K+ leftover for a honeymoon. And you think getting a degree is just simple as paying the fees and you can get in? NO WAY! One still has to complete a 2- 3 page essay and 2 referals. What the ****! I guess that's the price to pay(no pun intended) in order for me to be on par with the standards of nowadays and to make sure I gain foothold in the early childhood education sector.

Despite my great wish to do my Masters, my priority is to hold my wedding dinner. I want to officially announce to my family and friends that Chao ta is my husband, and most importantly to be proudly married into the Chau family so that I won't be look down upon by __________.

Chao Ta: Walao, who will look down on you?!
Me: Maybe I am sensitive, but just for assurance, I want to have a proper and semi- grand wedding dinner or lunch.

oh, oh, oh and fufil my wish of wearing an evening gown made by my Aunty Alice, and having my grandparents to wittness my wedding and having the oppoprtunity to drink the chinese tea offered by me and their grandson-in-law :D

aim: to hold my wedding dinner by 4th quater of 2011 or 1st quater of 2012.

Hopefully I can tio a $30K 4D den I can hold my wedding on 4May2011 :D
Maybe I should invest 1223 $5 every wed, sat and sun.
*ponders, ponders, ponders*

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Was flipping through the novel "The Picture of Dorian Gray"b by Oscar Wilde and found this rather interesting.

" The ugly and the stupid have the best of it in this world. The can sit at their ease and gape at the play. If they know nothing of victory, they are at least spared from the knowledge of defeat. They live as we all should live, undisturbed, indifferent and without disquiet. They neither bring ruin upon others, nor ever recieve it from alien hands..."

What do you think?
I'm just happy being avergage.

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Time to go to bed.
Sleepy and sicly.


do you hear me talking to you,
across the water across the deep blue ocean, under the open sky
oh my! baby i'm trying.

boy i hear you in my dreams
i feel you whisper across the sea
keep you with me in my heart, you make it easier when life gets hard.

lucky i'm in love with my best friend
lucky to have been where i have been
lucky to be coming home again.

(Lucky- Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat)


I miss Chao Ta. Can't wait for him to come back so that i can irritate the shit out of him by constantly whinning, wriggling and randomness. HAHAHHAHHAAHAHAH!

Just 10 more days ....

i want

i want to instantly have $208 so that i can purchase the estee lauder makeup set. but i know it's impossible, and i am not allowed to use the credit card this month because next month i have to pay some stuffs. SAD:( it's suppose to be a very good buy! i shall wait till next year nov. cos it's a per year thing. haiz!!

sad to be a poor teacher
sux to have no extra $$

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it's like even if you are free you oso have no time for me. sometimes i wan talk to you, then you just want to quickly end the discussion with me.

it's so hard sometimes to communicate with you...

but but but... ... ...
whenever you are not around, i miss you so much and love you more then when you are around. i'm so silly sometimes and i feel like i'm dunno talking what nonsense.

happy being alone

Anti- social is such a general term to describe people who doesn't like to socialize or have little friends. I for many times been described as anti- social by some. But I'm not! One thing straight I can talk and mingle with strangers, I just avoid forming close friendships with anyone because I find that having best friends requires too much commitment and effort and therefore havaing 1 or 2 is more than enough.

Oh, and recently I find that I am surrounded by stupid people who thinks that he or she is really good or talented or smart. I feel like telling them staright off into their faces that they are just plain stupid. OK. I know i'm so evil. But really la, some peoplee just irks you.

a question

Chao Ta asked me a random question few days ago.

"What is the 1 thing you'll ask from Santa?"

Somehow, this random and common question got me thinking for a few days. What do I really want? I guess majority would agree that just 1 request is never enough and they'll probably use the 1 request to ask for more requests; I am just like the majority. There are so many things I wish I could have right now and I could classify them as the impossible, the probably and the able to.

Impossible
- A time machine to go back in time, to make all the wrongs right again. I use to say I never regreted all the things I did in the past, but after much thought... I DO REGRET!!! If I can have a time machine, I'll go back in time and put in more effort in Secondary School, complete my Diploma in Nursing and continue to do my degree in Nursing overseas and finally working overseas.
- my own home with my husband and kids only
- my loved ones to forever and ever be around
- the Pre- school sector's pay can be proportionate to our qualifications, and our benefits will be as good or at least be comparable to that of a construction worker

Probably
- travel to all the countries on my 'places i want to visit before I die list'
- set up my own childcare centre/ kindergraten
- Tag Heur watch
- be a part- time housewife
- wedding dinner
- Bachelor of Science in Early Childhood Education

Able To
- Burberry wallet
- Longchamp Le Pilage long handle
- COACH wrislet
- Masters of Science in Early Childhood Education

WOW!! That's indeed a long list of things which I will ask from Santa. Out of the so many things I wish I could have, it would be my loved ones to be with me forever.

It's always the impossible that one would wish for because you hope that with the help of some magical fairy dust that wish of yours would come true as it is beyond your physical means to achieve it.
:
:
:

As for my able to's, I'll thank Chao Ta in advance :P
just joking :D

how to??

so noisy how to sleep

passwords passwords passwords.
TO HELL WITH IT MAN!!!

and i guess it doesn't matter if i tell you what bothers me cos it's just another 'FYI' to you.

i'm very tired of quarelling with you. nowadays i feel that going back to my own home is the happiest thing in my life. i'm worried that one of these days even facing you and communicating with you will be a stressful situation for me.

for the 3rd time i am left to go home by myself and you did not even BOTHER to ask me to stay. it doesn't matter if i leave in anger or what. it's you didn't ask me to stay. and that's hurts.
suprisingly this time round i didn't cry anymore. maybe i'm not bothered by it or just like you i can't be bothered le.

i'm very tired

fractured arm is haunting me

I guess I have to schedule for an X-ray appointment soon. Whenever I try to lift my right arm, it hurts. Not the joints that is hurting but the bone. It has the similar pain when my fractured humerus bone was injured when I was still in secondary school. The hurt came when I fell and hit it against the school's cupboard.

Anyway, constipation sucks. But it's a monthly ordeal I have to go through just before seeing red. It's bad enough with the day time sleepiness, nausea and bloated tummy. The constipation worsens it. All these makes me feel lousy, moody and terrible. I really wish I can oblige but I just have no mood for anything when the time is near.

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Celebrated Nic's 21st birthday. It was very heartwarming scene. She broke out in tears- probably the thought of how much her parents did for her for the past 21 years makes her teary. So sweet rite?

My 21st was well celebarted with my family. It was a very memorable experience. I thanked my Grandpa for paying the meal at Swensens and my relatives and cousins for celebrating my birthday. Come to think of it, my family make it an effort to celebrate my birthday every year and I appreciate it very much. And for the past 23 years, grandma without fail, made red eggs and cooked noodles.

Sometimes i dare not think of what my life will be when Grandma and Grandpa goes to heaven. I'll be devastated! Chao Ta once said that my grandparents love for me can never match up a mother's love for their own child. But I beg to differ. I feel that my grandparents loved me in many ways much more than any parents could ever do. It's what I called selfless love, especially my grandma, she has always been there for me, in ways which I failed to notice at times. Sometimes I feel that I'm not doing enough to repay my grandparents. Hopefully God gives me enough time to do so.

I really love them.

regrets

i have made too mnay wrong moves and made too mnay mistakes. and recently, i feel that the mistakes i make just keep snowballing

courage

One needs the courage to step into unfamiliar grounds. I really would love to drop all cares and woes, equippied myself with a few grands in my pocket and back pack round the world or at least to the must see countries on my list with a like minded friend. Sadly, I'm not able to do that because, I don't have such like minded friend. I guess Chao Ta will sure say you don't have that few grands too. Then I'll answer him: "If i wan i will". The question is ARE YOU WILLING TO TRAVEL WITH ME???

This are the places I want to visit before I go up to heaven:
1. japan
2. russia
3. germany
4. amsterdam
6. usa
7. london

and my latest edition:
7. greece

after my business is done in SG (2011 FEB)
i'll leave on a jet plane and dunno when i'll be back again

Insomnia

Couldn't sleep well the whole night, there were just too many thoughts in my mind. Terrible feeling to be troubled and worried. Thank God, prayers did make things better. I was able to calm my mind and gradually fall asleep after tossing and turning for quite some time.

I just hope that whatever Chao Ta's disappointment will turn out well in the end.

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80 more days to year end. I was calculating when should I tender my resignation letter considering Chinese New Year to be around mid Feb 2010. Maybe I'll tender end March. However if I don't get a full 13th month Bonus (AWS) I would definietly tender on the 2 Jan 2010. And tell them to kiss my arse. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I actually don't mind staying on for another year, but sadly, the place is DISORGANIZE IN ALL ASPECTS. Apparently, my in- charge is such a last minute and doesn't have an open mind, which makes things worse. Sucky! And some of my colleagues are just plainly put LAZY and WITHOUT INITIATIVES.

Sadly, I've to go work today cause it's staff training. How wonderful! *rolls- eyes a million times*
8am- 4pm is going to feel like forever to me. However, i'll try my best to find joy.. TRY!!!

爱不疚- 林峰

遥远是宇宙 静静在背后 去看守就够

这种感觉太亲厚 讲一千句也不够
即使一刹有过冲动 挽你手
这种恋爱太罕有 不需真正拥有
成全 多舍不得仍然 是放手

放手 放开所有 彼此更自由
放手 其实我绝非爱得不够
放手 豁出所有 还有这个好友
已经 已经足够

放手 我的牵挂 找不到尽头
放手 期望你幸福甚麽都有
也许 爱很深厚 然而我早看得透
放手 至可拥有

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这首歌真好听
虽然不怎么觉得林峰帅，但还是有种淡淡的魅力让我好想看他演的港局
但我的最爱还是 陳鍵鋒 :D

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最近都很不开心， 为什么有些事总是在你不注意的时候悄悄的浮现在你脑海里迟迟都不肯离去？有时很想把脑袋的一部分给去掉，希望这就是最直接和最好能够把不开心和纳闷的记忆给弄掉。好讨厌举棋不定的我！希望不快乐能够早点离开。也希望你能对我别那么凶，那么没礼貌。我也希望我们俩能有多一点的活动因为我真开始觉得有点闷和无趣乏味。

sad

I've been rather emotional since last weekend. Apparently, it seemed like a passing phase to some. I'm really very troubled. For several reasons which I don't think telling anyone would help, cause no one ever really listened to my problems to care enough to help me accept for Steph. Probably my smiley facade is working too well.

I need a breather. I want to disappear. Can I borrow some time? A little crazinesss...

Probably I'm a person full of complains and whinning in your eyes, but if you truely understand what I want and what I need, you would realise that there are certain things which you have missed out and my request ain't selfish.

Although I have you, but i feel alone still. It's like all I have is your shadow, but not you.